jackscarab: (Default)
[personal profile] jackscarab
So. Family things.


CAST:

GRANDMA J: All-but-blind octagenerian Parkinson's sufferer.
JIM: Grandma J's husband, in ill health.
SUSAN: Jim's daughter.
MOM: Grandma J's daughter.
DAD: The one with the parents whose good health continues into their 90s.
JACK: The eldest generational child of the family.
LAURA: Sister. Retail worker. Enjoys superheroes.

AT RISE:

(JIM begins suffering renal failure.)

JIM
Ow, my renal.

(JIM summons SUSAN from her farm.)

JIM
Hey, I'm gonna die soon. I want to die at the place where I insisted on staying until my wife wandered away in her pajamas like two months ago.

SUSAN
Sounds good to me. This won't inconvenience anyone, considering that you just moved in on Mothers' Day.

(SUSAN looks for more of GRANDMA J's ancient booze and jars of quarters to spirit away. She finds none because we took them all for safe keeping.)

GRANDMA J
I agree. Let's go.

MOM
Wait. The last time the family visited your house with you in it, it took you like three minutes to walk fifty feet and fumble with unlocking the front door. That house will be your tomb if you ever fall down. Jim had three goddamn guns, one in the cushions of his chair, because you are powerless against home invasion. All you will ever do is watch movies and news while your husband's kidneys finish abandoning him.

GRANDMA J
Doing it anyway.

MOM
Fffffffffff.

(Plans are made for JIM to serve out his remaining days in a makeshift hospice in their sunroom, propped up and stationary in front of the TV just like he likes it.)

SUSAN
Hey, this hospice stuff is expensive. Any chance of your mom's savings paying for my dad's care?

MOM
Fuck you.

SUSAN
Okay then.

(SUSAN eyes the tall shelf of VHS tapes.)

MOM, DAD
Hey, this has taught us a valuable lesson. If something happens to us, you're getting power of attorney, like, instantly.

JACK
All right.

MOM, DAD
Also we'd like to take out a five-figure loan from you to pay off major things and not have another debt-collector scare like years ago. We'll pay interest that's less than what we'd pay Visa and more than what you'd get from the bank.

(JACK considers briefly raising the subject of how Wall Street drove banks to shrink interest rates on deposited savings in order to convince more people that the stock market casino is a more secure source of long-term growth on their investments, but he decides against it.)

JACK
Okay.

MOM, DAD
Thanks a ton.

JACK
Hey, little sister. You probably weren't told, but Jim's dying so they're moving back into their deathtrap.

LAURA
No, I wasn't told. This family isn't big on making sure everyone knows everything.

JACK
I know. That's why I'm telling you.


(Scene.)
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

April 2013

S M T W T F S
 1234 56
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930    

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 02:01 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios